Matters of the heart

Written by on January 25, 2019

AUNT PAULINE answers all questions to do with marriage, culture and life. Drop your questions online or whatsapp 0963867719 or email

Dear Aunt,

My mother in-law enters our matrimonial bedroom every time she feels like especially in the morning in the name of greeting her son. I’ve tried to talk to my husband to find means of telling her to stop but he tells me it’s normal in their family. Please, what should I do? Not comfortable.

ANSWER: It is UnZambian and definitely not in our culture for your mother in law to be entering the bedroom. Chakana sana. I may not know all cultural beliefs in Zambia, but on this one, I am sure it is something that is not done. What does your mother in law, want so early in the morning? Is it just to greet her son? She could just as easily text or phone without her physical presence in the bedroom of a young couple. It is wrong and should not be encouraged.

Question: I found a receipt of purchased female clothes in my husband’s pocket but he did not bring the clothes to me. It’s almost two weeks now since I found it and haven’t asked him anything. How should I approach him?

ANSWER: Ask him directly. Maybe he is hiding them as your surprise for a big day. He has no business buying clothes for other women, other than his mother and yourself. And to prevent suspicions, such purchases should be planned and budgeted for by the two of you. Work as a couple.

Question: Am worried, my husband has not been talking to me for three days now. If he wants something he sends me a text message but we sleep on the same bed. I have tried to ask him if I had done anything wrong but does not respond.  Troubled.

ANSWER: Dear troubled. That behavior is so juvenile. The silent treatment is used by people think that they are punishing you by not talking to you. Such people should not be married. Marriage is serious and not for isolationist behavior as if one is in prison. I keep repeating myself about the need for communication. Keep communication lines open.

Question: Is it normal to never  have feelings at all for someone of the opposite sex? Could there be something wrong with me?

ANSWER: By feelings I presume you meant sexual feelings. It is normal to have feelings. You may need to see a doctor for help.

Question:I am a December bride and my problem is that my fiancé does not satisfy me in bed. Should I cancel the marriage or cheat on him?

ANSWER: Have you communicated your feelings to your December groom? If you have not done so, do so now.  Deal with the issue before you get into marriage. There are way too many divorces caused by failure to communicate. Do not be part of that statistic, open up and talk to your partner. He wont know that there is a problem unless you tell him.

NB: Please text your concerns. Do not call at awkward hours such as after 23:00 hours.

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