Matters of the heart

Written by on January 23, 2019

AUNT PAULINE answers all questions to do with marriage, culture and life. Drop your questions online or whatsapp 0963867719 or email

Dear Aunt,

My husband has got a habit of bringing female friends to our house and introduces them to me as his friends but am not comfortable with the idea because some of the ladies he comes with dress indecently. How should I tell him that I do not like the idea?

ANSWER: Is that a real marriage  or you are both just playing? Why would a married man have female friends and worse still, even bring them home. A married man has no business with other women other than workmates or associates. Even then those women will not be visiting his home because it is not right. In our culture, men and women can not have that kind of relationship. A man should not be taking his female friends home. Ninshi naiwe you are dull to accept that. 

My wife gave me a schedule for love making. Is it fair or will I be blamed if I was to cheat on her?

ANSWER: Please do not make schedules for such an intimate thing. I would strongly advise against cheating on your partner. The consequences are too severe. I would recommend discussing the matter with your wife. Tell her that you do not accept the restriction because it is not right and definitely not in our culture.

What makes a marriage to last? Is it sex or love?

ANSWER: Love above all else is what keeps marriage intact. It is also important that the couple remains as friends and with all the fun things that drew them together in the first place.

I live with my 15 year old young sister. I took her in when our mother died in 2017. But the problem is that she never listens to me and has no respect for me and my husband.  Should I send her to the village to go and stay with our aunt? Am afraid she will destroy my marriage. 

ANSWER: You are a mother figure and it is important that your sister respects that role. She is young and impressionable and needs guidance. Before you send her away, talk to her and see if she can not change. Sometimes a frank talk helps to clear the way. Most teenagers go through a rebellious phase and it is worse for those who lose their parents. So try to be a mother to your sister.

Our 60 year old father recently married a woman of our age and I find it very difficult  to respect her or call  her mum, is there anything wrong with me?

ANSWER: She is not your mother. She is your father’s wife and therefore your step mother. You do not need to call her by anything other than her name. Respect is earned. If you respect your father, then you must respect his wife. Do not be mean to her. She did not bring herself there. Your father brought her because she makes him happy.

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